If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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