You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
