Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
