i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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