p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
