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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
