im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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