Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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