Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
