ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
