Don't you send me to vm
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
