3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
