i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
