Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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