I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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