soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
