if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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