Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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