I molested 6 butterflies tonight
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Terrible idea I love it
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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