My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
