the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
