I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
