Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
