saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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