coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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