Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
