nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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