we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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