i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
