i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
