im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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