We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
