He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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