i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
