Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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