he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
