The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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