I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
