i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
