this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
