nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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