I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
If that was your dad, he is hot
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
