Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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