I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
