grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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