the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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