dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
