I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
