just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
