dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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