I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
