What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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