what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
